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Part 30. One Year

Bless me! I’ve just gone back to Part 1 and Part 2 of the QEK Blog as last Thursday, 31st Jan, did indeed arrive - my one year cancerversary. I certainly tapped in to my sense of humour, as did my loved ones with our ridiculous and at times wholly inappropriate...

Part 29. What Does It Feel Like? #LifeAfterCancer

Fucking mental. That’s it. No, not really. I can expand on that. Quick catch up I have had a really long break from writing. Not by choice, at least it hasn’t been a conscious choice...I think! I’ve thought about writing every day, but every day has been full. Full of...

Part 28. Joy

Joy is one of my favourite words in the English language. That's a bit obvious and simplistic I hear you say. When I say 'you' I mean the arsehole in my own head who likes to give me 'constructive' criticism. It is though. Joy is the 3 letter word that expresses the...

Part 27. Radio, Stevie Wonder & Rachel Bland.

            Giant lazooors. As, by Stevie kicked in just as I’d removed all my upper clothing and was taking the few paces across the room to my special giant ruler bed for my first blast of radio on Tuesday September 4th. So I could preserve the minimal dignity I’m...

Part 26. Strength Through Vulnerability. Let Me Hear You Roar.

The main copy below was written in early 2016 as a guest post for a psychotherapist friend of mine. What I describe is something I feel so deeply now. It's come to my attention again following a lead up to a birthday I was uncharacteristically disinterested about,...

Part 25. Fatigue & inflatables.

Surgery is happening, tomorrow! Shitting nora – tomorrow. After the speedy mental turnaround that was required following chemo, involving thoughts like ‘can I live with a scarred flat chest for a year’ and ‘my beloved tits have to go’, I decided which surgical option...

Part 24. Bye Righty.

It’s done. It’s now two and a bit weeks since the op and it went very well according to my surgeon and his surgeon friend. I had two surgeons which I thought was rather marvellous – probably the norm. Rathi, the surgeon I know and had been planning with over four...

Part 23. Newsflash

Today (24 July 2018) almost 7 months to the day I was diagnosed, my surgeon said these words to me, “YOU ARE CANCER FREE”. I am writing this half an hour after our conversation. I still have a lot of treatment to get through, but today I drink the pink champagne my...

Part 22. #thisisntforeveryone… continued.

Surgery is happening, tomorrow! Shitting nora - tomorrow. After the speedy mental turnaround that was required following chemo, involving thoughts like 'can I live with a scarred flat chest for a year' and 'my beloved tits have to go', I decided which surgical option...

Part 21. Humans.

There’s been some watery eye action lately and not all because of the crazy choices I’ve had to consider on the breasties front. This blog has been brought on by the extreme kindness (like extreme sports only with more danger of emotional outpourings like this one) of...

Part 20. #thisisntforeveryone

This probably really isn’t for everyone and I get that. It’s the boobs surgery chat I feel I have to write about for my own mental well-being first and foremost. I hope it may be useful for other people too. I can’t sugar coat this shit! I have to have surgery to...

Part 19. The End of an Era.

Today I finished chemo. It’s not actually the end of an era, but that day will come some time in the nearish future. More like the end of a chapter in this jooouuurney. But today sees the end of exactly 4 months of being poisoned in order to kill the gruesome twosome...

Part 18. Message from Mum

I have an Army and some members are literally by my side whether in person or virtually every single day. None more so than mum and dad, who would and have done anything they can to help me as i plough through this. Mum would literally take this cancer if she could....

Part 17. Bullet Point Lumpdate.

One of the initial reasons for this blog was to give an update in one place as there's always so much new info to share with those who care. I realise I've mainly banged on about shizzle to do with the ripple effect of my jooouuurney to date, which is also important,...

Part 15. Altruism.

God it’s been been a doozy of an emosh one. That’s a shit sentence. Don’t care. As I lie here in my bed looking very much the patient, typing away at stupid o’clock in the night/morning, my body is both exhilarated and completely exhausted by everything that’s passed...

Part 14. The half way mark. Highs and lows.

Blimey it's been an eventful time since round 3. Proper highs and lows, two trips and a short, hot summer. Let's start with the highs shiz shall we? Round 3 was on Tuesday April 3rd with my girl, my oldest bestie, KP, who was 'celebrating' her birthday. Natch she...

Part 13. Essay for Emma

I knew it was serious right from the start. Its cancer, of course it’s serious and then I read about triple negative - that didn’t sound good. So here I am with cancer in my family because that’s what it is. We all work together – we all live together – we share the...

Part 12. Dear Universe

Dear Universe, In the last 8 years you’ve dealt me some shit really. Oh I’m aware it’s all relative. I don’t live in a war zone, I have food in my fridge, a home, my girls, love, family etc etc. All of which I am hugely grateful for. Nonetheless you’ve dealt some...

Part 11. My Babies

It’s been a knackering 2 weeks since the second blast of chemo. I’ve tried to keep things as normal as possible and get on with the day to day, but this round has definitely seen me more exhausted. More, new, symptoms have occurred like swollen sore gums and maybe a...

Part 10. THE SCIENCE!

What is actually going on? What happened in the weeks and possibly months prior to January 2nd when I found a lump? I’ve had people ask what might have caused my cancer. A fair question. I’d bloody like to know. Is it hormone related perhaps? Have I got family...

Part 9. Look what Knights Army did!

Friday 9th March started like any other Friday. Woke up, pillow and me covered in my own pixie hair, right tit swollen and two kids to get to school. All good. Pixie hair now super thin and a bit old lady, so the decision was made to take Parisian spy wig out for her...

Part 8. Emmageddon: Sunshine always comes after the storm.

Storm Emma, named by the Portuguese apparently, met the The Beast From The East and all hell broke loose last week. When I say hell, what I mean for Brighton residents is that we were all thrown in to mild panic when Carol on the telly weather told us about the red...

Part 7. Gold. Words by Jenny Knight.

Emma asked me if I would like to be a guest blogger on her amazing blog. I immediately said yes because I love writing. I tried to write a poem. I tried to write something funny. I tried to write something wise. Little did I know that in the short term this news would...

Part 6. When Harry met Gary – Chemo Round 1.

This is Harry (main pic). She was round one chemo super star / all round comedy act who I’d gladly share gin with any time over vials of toxic cancer killer. Although they were much appreciated both for their imminent impact on the double Ls (Lumpalot and Lymphalot),...

Part 5. Emotional overwhelm…for good reasons.

4.30am Wednesday 21 Feb. Drug induced insomnia gives you all the time to get shit done. I’ve no idea why I’ve enjoyed sleeping as much as I have all my adult life, only to find that if I’d just gone with being half human during the day I’d power through shiz at night....

Part 4. Fun chemo chat

MRIs are fun. Especially when you have to lay face down with your head in a hole and your boobs in giant cups pretending you’re on a (crap) massage table . The ‘relaxing’ music was completely drowned out by the roaring, screeching, beeping and shuddering as I lay in a...

Part 3. #KnightsArmy

Blimey, my birthday has been amazing this year. Cards, 5 lots of beautiful fresh flowers, gifts galore (bit confused by the well-being theme), and shit loads of attention. Someone is bound to be planning a surprise party! Hang on, it’s February, my birthday is in...

Part 2. A Wednesday I’ll never forget.

On Jan 31st mum and I arrived at the Park Centre for my 10.15 appointment. We sat in the busy waiting room no-one wants to be in calmly hoping. I had put people on standby for a champagne lunch to celebrate the end of a vile 2 weeks. When Debbie called my name and we...

Part 1. January – the preamble

2018 was seen in with my kids and beautiful friends. We drank (mainly the adults), we danced, we laughed, we took loads of ridiculous photos and we looked ahead to what we had decided was going to be a loads better year than 2017. On Jan 1st my friends hung out for...

Part 31. Running. What’s the worst case scenario?

Bald, fat and likely with drainage.   When I told Liz I had signed up for the 10k happening this Sunday, April 14th, she looked shocked. She was visiting to go though my current health status ahead of signing me up to a back-to-fitness project run by a local charity...

Part 30. One Year

Bless me! I’ve just gone back to Part 1 and Part 2 of the QEK Blog as last Thursday, 31st Jan, did indeed arrive - my one year cancerversary. I certainly tapped in to my sense of humour, as did my loved ones with our ridiculous and at times wholly inappropriate...

Part 29. What Does It Feel Like? #LifeAfterCancer

Fucking mental. That’s it. No, not really. I can expand on that. Quick catch up I have had a really long break from writing. Not by choice, at least it hasn’t been a conscious choice...I think! I’ve thought about writing every day, but every day has been full. Full of...

Part 28. Joy

Joy is one of my favourite words in the English language. That's a bit obvious and simplistic I hear you say. When I say 'you' I mean the arsehole in my own head who likes to give me 'constructive' criticism. It is though. Joy is the 3 letter word that expresses the...

Part 27. Radio, Stevie Wonder & Rachel Bland.

            Giant lazooors. As, by Stevie kicked in just as I’d removed all my upper clothing and was taking the few paces across the room to my special giant ruler bed for my first blast of radio on Tuesday September 4th. So I could preserve the minimal dignity I’m...

Part 26. Strength Through Vulnerability. Let Me Hear You Roar.

The main copy below was written in early 2016 as a guest post for a psychotherapist friend of mine. What I describe is something I feel so deeply now. It's come to my attention again following a lead up to a birthday I was uncharacteristically disinterested about,...

Part 25. Fatigue & inflatables.

Surgery is happening, tomorrow! Shitting nora – tomorrow. After the speedy mental turnaround that was required following chemo, involving thoughts like ‘can I live with a scarred flat chest for a year’ and ‘my beloved tits have to go’, I decided which surgical option...

Part 24. Bye Righty.

It’s done. It’s now two and a bit weeks since the op and it went very well according to my surgeon and his surgeon friend. I had two surgeons which I thought was rather marvellous – probably the norm. Rathi, the surgeon I know and had been planning with over four...

Part 23. Newsflash

Today (24 July 2018) almost 7 months to the day I was diagnosed, my surgeon said these words to me, “YOU ARE CANCER FREE”. I am writing this half an hour after our conversation. I still have a lot of treatment to get through, but today I drink the pink champagne my...

Part 22. #thisisntforeveryone… continued.

Surgery is happening, tomorrow! Shitting nora - tomorrow. After the speedy mental turnaround that was required following chemo, involving thoughts like 'can I live with a scarred flat chest for a year' and 'my beloved tits have to go', I decided which surgical option...

Part 21. Humans.

There’s been some watery eye action lately and not all because of the crazy choices I’ve had to consider on the breasties front. This blog has been brought on by the extreme kindness (like extreme sports only with more danger of emotional outpourings like this one) of...

Part 20. #thisisntforeveryone

This probably really isn’t for everyone and I get that. It’s the boobs surgery chat I feel I have to write about for my own mental well-being first and foremost. I hope it may be useful for other people too. I can’t sugar coat this shit! I have to have surgery to...

Part 19. The End of an Era.

Today I finished chemo. It’s not actually the end of an era, but that day will come some time in the nearish future. More like the end of a chapter in this jooouuurney. But today sees the end of exactly 4 months of being poisoned in order to kill the gruesome twosome...

Part 18. Message from Mum

I have an Army and some members are literally by my side whether in person or virtually every single day. None more so than mum and dad, who would and have done anything they can to help me as i plough through this. Mum would literally take this cancer if she could....

Part 17. Bullet Point Lumpdate.

One of the initial reasons for this blog was to give an update in one place as there's always so much new info to share with those who care. I realise I've mainly banged on about shizzle to do with the ripple effect of my jooouuurney to date, which is also important,...

Part 15. Altruism.

God it’s been been a doozy of an emosh one. That’s a shit sentence. Don’t care. As I lie here in my bed looking very much the patient, typing away at stupid o’clock in the night/morning, my body is both exhilarated and completely exhausted by everything that’s passed...

Part 14. The half way mark. Highs and lows.

Blimey it's been an eventful time since round 3. Proper highs and lows, two trips and a short, hot summer. Let's start with the highs shiz shall we? Round 3 was on Tuesday April 3rd with my girl, my oldest bestie, KP, who was 'celebrating' her birthday. Natch she...

Part 13. Essay for Emma

I knew it was serious right from the start. Its cancer, of course it’s serious and then I read about triple negative - that didn’t sound good. So here I am with cancer in my family because that’s what it is. We all work together – we all live together – we share the...

Part 12. Dear Universe

Dear Universe, In the last 8 years you’ve dealt me some shit really. Oh I’m aware it’s all relative. I don’t live in a war zone, I have food in my fridge, a home, my girls, love, family etc etc. All of which I am hugely grateful for. Nonetheless you’ve dealt some...

Part 11. My Babies

It’s been a knackering 2 weeks since the second blast of chemo. I’ve tried to keep things as normal as possible and get on with the day to day, but this round has definitely seen me more exhausted. More, new, symptoms have occurred like swollen sore gums and maybe a...

Part 10. THE SCIENCE!

What is actually going on? What happened in the weeks and possibly months prior to January 2nd when I found a lump? I’ve had people ask what might have caused my cancer. A fair question. I’d bloody like to know. Is it hormone related perhaps? Have I got family...

Part 9. Look what Knights Army did!

Friday 9th March started like any other Friday. Woke up, pillow and me covered in my own pixie hair, right tit swollen and two kids to get to school. All good. Pixie hair now super thin and a bit old lady, so the decision was made to take Parisian spy wig out for her...

Part 8. Emmageddon: Sunshine always comes after the storm.

Storm Emma, named by the Portuguese apparently, met the The Beast From The East and all hell broke loose last week. When I say hell, what I mean for Brighton residents is that we were all thrown in to mild panic when Carol on the telly weather told us about the red...

Part 7. Gold. Words by Jenny Knight.

Emma asked me if I would like to be a guest blogger on her amazing blog. I immediately said yes because I love writing. I tried to write a poem. I tried to write something funny. I tried to write something wise. Little did I know that in the short term this news would...

Part 6. When Harry met Gary – Chemo Round 1.

This is Harry (main pic). She was round one chemo super star / all round comedy act who I’d gladly share gin with any time over vials of toxic cancer killer. Although they were much appreciated both for their imminent impact on the double Ls (Lumpalot and Lymphalot),...

Part 5. Emotional overwhelm…for good reasons.

4.30am Wednesday 21 Feb. Drug induced insomnia gives you all the time to get shit done. I’ve no idea why I’ve enjoyed sleeping as much as I have all my adult life, only to find that if I’d just gone with being half human during the day I’d power through shiz at night....

Part 4. Fun chemo chat

MRIs are fun. Especially when you have to lay face down with your head in a hole and your boobs in giant cups pretending you’re on a (crap) massage table . The ‘relaxing’ music was completely drowned out by the roaring, screeching, beeping and shuddering as I lay in a...

Part 3. #KnightsArmy

Blimey, my birthday has been amazing this year. Cards, 5 lots of beautiful fresh flowers, gifts galore (bit confused by the well-being theme), and shit loads of attention. Someone is bound to be planning a surprise party! Hang on, it’s February, my birthday is in...

Part 2. A Wednesday I’ll never forget.

On Jan 31st mum and I arrived at the Park Centre for my 10.15 appointment. We sat in the busy waiting room no-one wants to be in calmly hoping. I had put people on standby for a champagne lunch to celebrate the end of a vile 2 weeks. When Debbie called my name and we...

Part 1. January – the preamble

2018 was seen in with my kids and beautiful friends. We drank (mainly the adults), we danced, we laughed, we took loads of ridiculous photos and we looked ahead to what we had decided was going to be a loads better year than 2017. On Jan 1st my friends hung out for...

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