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Part 25. Fatigue & inflatables.

Surgery is happening, tomorrow! Shitting nora – tomorrow. After the speedy mental turnaround that was required following chemo, involving thoughts like ‘can I live with a scarred flat chest for a year’ and ‘my beloved tits have to go’, I decided which surgical option I’d go for. The decision has been very well informed by seeing my surgeon twice, a plastic surgeon in Brighton, both a surgeon and a plastic surgeon at Guys in London, and speaking with a breast surgeon in Greece via WhatsApp video! All in under 4 weeks. I’ve also read a lot, talked a lot to my people and looked at a lot of tit pics…no, not that sort, rude.

I’ve opted for what feels like the logical, stage-by-stage approach to an outcome that hopefully secures my health, safety and a good cosmetic result. Even as I type I’ve come away from a conversation with a woman I love who agreed, having considered what she would do in my position, that it’s so individual, so personal, and until you’re presented with it, completely unknown. So many things have played in to this process.

Tomorrow the tissue in my right breast will be completely removed sparing my skin and my nipple. I will also have the affected lymph nodes removed from under my right armpit. My boob will be filled with an expander, a thing that’s like a high tech water balloon, which will be a bit inflated with saline, then fully inflated gradually over the next couple of weeks through a clever little mechanism. Sexy.

In 2 weeks time I’ll get the results of the tissue analysis to inform where radiotherapy should be targetted, and whether my nipple is safe to stay. Fingers crossed for finding nothing after a rummage around in there folks.

I’ve opted for a route that feels less drastic and one that doesn’t involve potential complications with radiotherapy. This will deal with the immediate threat and allow the surgeon to explore whether more needs be done. It means my healthy boob is left alone for now until next year when I’ll have full surgery to both to safeguard against any new cancer in lefty. This option also means that any impact radio has on the expander can be revised next year so I hopefully end up as symmetrical as possible.

That’s the brief overview. I feel completely calm. I’ve done my emotional reaction and the turning over of all the possibilities and options. I know I’ve made the right choice for me and my girls. My actual girls and ‘the girls’!

Surgery will take place first thing tomorrow morning as long as the schedule doesn’t change. I’ll be in for one night unless a further night is necessary, then I’ll be in the safe and loving hands of my mum and dad, poor bastards.

See you on the other side. X

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